Protecting our Children from Sexual and Spiritual Abuse

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

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The "Protect the Children" march by Sam Young has come and gone. The LDS Church has made it very clear that their strategy now is to ignore the problem.  In fact, in the recent LDS Conference, President Russell M. Nelson made it very clear that he considers one-on-one interviews crucial to the church's mission.

I'm left wondering why?

Mormon leaders have long held that these interviews are necessary to protect the "sanctity" of the Temple. Now they are being held up as a way for members to gain important spiritual guidance. There are a couple of problems with these claims.

1.) We know that people enter the temple unworthily. Who? Well, Joseph L Bishop for one. Was the sanctity of the Temple protected from him? How about NewNameNoah, who played the part of a worthy member, and purposely lied to both a Bishop and a Stake President to obtain a "Temple Recommend" to show the problems with "spiritual discernment?" He discusses his purpose in this video.

And what about the "spiritual discernment" of President Spencer W. Kimball, who called this man to be the MTC President and allegedly knew Elder Bishop personally? Or what about all those Church leaders who came to speak at the weekly devotionals in the MTC? Where was their discernment?

So what value is there in relying on "worthiness interviews" in protecting the sanctity of the temple? Obviously, it didn't stop "unworthy" individuals from attending. And those tasked with guarding the temple didn't have the discernment to stop them. So in reality, the church is already relying upon members to self-police.

2.) There is no question that being able to talk about our experiences can have immense emotional benefits, and certainly discussion with others who have perhaps more maturity and training in sensitive sexual matters can help children process and deal with sexual trauma, or even make sense of consensual sexual experience. Mormon Bishops have no such training. Nor do they receive training. Which leads to my next point.

That's not the purpose of the interviews. The purpose is to "judge worthiness" an act of immense emotional risk for a child. Psychologically, being taught that one is "unworthy" is akin to mind rape. Once that belief takes root in a child, there is no taking it back. As sexual desire is instinctive and pervasive, every time a child is tempted by sex or masturbation, she/he is again "unworthy." It is a pernicious act to shame a child for consensual sexual behavior. It is unconscionable to shame a child for masturbation, an act so normal, that it is nearly universal. It is devastation to blame a victim for the crimes of her predator.  The church isn't "teaching responsibility," they aren't stopping "sin," they are only engaging in sexual voyeurism and applying sexual shame. They are instilling beliefs which result in lifelong damage. 

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Youth "worthiness interviews" are an act of spiritual terrorism.

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3.) Confession of sexual "sins" provides leaders who are sexual predators with valuable intelligence, in which (a point I've made in other blogs) is a risk of which cannot be overstated.) How much easier is it to manipulate a vulnerable teen if a Bishop is aware of "sexual impropriety" or "sin" when guilt is already instilled within a child? Particularly so, in the center of a culture which views "sexual sin" to be as serious as "the shedding of innocent blood" (murder.)

Given the fact that the church has released sensitive information regarding the victim of the Joseph L. Bishop, dating back to an incident of alleged sexual misconduct by the approx. 55 year old victim at age 17 (and this is the important part) obtained through a "worthiness interview" conducted 38 years ago, I am concerned that these "worthiness interviews" actually are part of a much darker purpose.

For generations, sexual behavior has carried with it, significant social stigma. The requirement of "LDS doctrine" claims that forgiveness requires a "full and complete confession." Now that we know the church isn't above documenting and using this information in a smear campaign against a victim, making "a full and complete confession" takes on sinister overtones. Perhaps, one-on-one interviews where "a full confession is required for forgiveness" is a method of gaining intelligence on members?  Any bets that "Brother Bishop" had access to this intelligence while called to serve as the MTC Mission President? Why else would he choose that particular victim?

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If the church is documenting your sexual sins, and we now know they are, do you really want to take a risk of sharing something sensitive with your bishop? 

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With the advent of the knowledge that the church has used intelligence gained through worthiness interviews as part of a smear campaign, members really need to take steps to protect themselves.

Here is what you can do:

1.) Tell your bishop that you will no longer answer any questions regarding sexual conduct. Inform him that the church has demonstrated unethical behavior and broken trust with its members in sharing information regarding the victim in the Joseph Bishop MTC sexual abuse scandal. Any questions regarding sexual conduct will result in termination of the interview. Inform him that it is his choice to refuse you a temple recommend, but there is no negotiation on this point.

2.) Inform the Bishop that your children are off-limits.  There will be no worthiness interviews with your children, either with or without your presence. If this means that your children will be unable to participate in church activities, remind him that the scriptures say "if the parents fail to teach their children, the sin be upon the head of the parents" and that you're willing to accept that risk. If he is still unwilling to let them participate, then remind him that you are their parent, not him. Help your children find other activities that they can participate in.  This is likely to result in church leaders attempting to subvert your children and have them called in for an interview without your knowledge.

3.) If your children find themselves being asked to come "interview with the bishop" teach them to respond with, "I'm not permitted to do that without my parents personally telling me I can." If they find themselves coerced into the bishops office and asked questions of a sexual nature, they are to respond with "My parents have forbidden me to answer any questions about what I do with my body. I need to leave now." Role play with them so that they know to stand up, walk out, and immediately find an adult they trust (or know that you trust.)

4.) If your child reports to you that they were called in and sexually questioned in a worthiness interview, strongly consider filing a legal complaint for sexual harassment of a minor.

No longer can you consider these "Worthiness Interviews" harmless. There are now hundreds of documented cases describing the damage people have lived with for decades, but were previously unwilling to share because of shame. 

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Since Church Leaders have no understanding of healthy boundaries nor are they willing to establish them, it is our responsibility to teach them.

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You are the parent of your child. You now have the responsibility for their safety. The church has broken trust with its members in revealing information obtained through a "worthiness interview." They have broken trust in protecting a predator.  They have broken trust in engaging in a smear campaign. Now you know and it is YOUR responsibility to protect them and yourselves. 

Fixing the Broken LDS System

LDS - Fixing a Broken System

These were the words my son, who is a doctoral candidate at Utah State University, said to me when visiting late last year. The Mormon Church has seen serious erosion in their “good name” over the last few years. No longer do they claim that they are “the fastest growing church” because statistically the evidence shows that their growth rate has pretty much flattened out, and closure of stakes, missions, wards and branches indicate that they may even be in a negative growth pattern. Perusing the Interwebs, forums for ex-Mormons have exploded, with the ex-Mormon subreddit indicating now more than 72,000 members.

Why the hostility?

As a deeply believing member, I was told repeatedly by church leaders that this was a sign of the “truth” of Mormonism, and that the entire world would combine against us. “Satan would throw all his forces at us to ‘stop the work from moving forward.’” 

It is a narrative which upon examination doesn't ring true. 

The church’s woes of late are self-inflicted. Let me provide a little historical context.

In 2002 a 14 year old girl, Elizabeth Smart, was abducted from her house by a religious fanatic, who proceeded to serially rape his victim. These details were unknown until she was rescued approximately 9 months later. She later stated, that she didn’t even try to escape her abductors because she’d been raped and she’d been taught in church that her self-worth was directly tied to her purity. In other words, her church taught her concepts that amount to victim shaming. 

In 2008 the church staunchly stood behind Proposition 8 in California. Church Leaders made demands of many members for substantial amounts of funding in an attempt to sway the public into voting for it, setting up phone banks, marches and door-to-door campaigns as part of the political effort. People in California and other states recognized this as blatantly bigoted behavior, and saw it as seeking to strip rights from a minority group for “who they are,” with Mormons claiming it an issue of “morality” rather than bigotry. It generated significant hostility. 

In June of 2015, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of Marriage Equality. 

The church’s response was to quietly add a policy to the church handbook which stated that any same sex couple who married was required to be excommunicated for the charge of “apostasy.” This wasn’t the worst of it. As a matter of policy, those couples who had children under the age of eight were told that their children were to be denied the blessings of baptism because of their parents. When the new policy was leaked in November of 2015, there was an enormous uproar in both the LDS and Ex-Mormon communities. A large protest was organized and resulted in many submitting letters of resignation. Many viewed this not only as an attack on a minority group but as Church leadership holding children hostage against same-sex couples who were still members at that time. 

In recent months, the subjugation of women in our society has been brought into brilliant focus with the hashtag #Metoo. Women, in unprecedented numbers, have stepped forward. They are describing how they have been sexually abused, gaslighted and victimized by powerful men and organizations. The country is starting to get a glimpse of an enormous national systemic problem. Rob Porter, a face of power on the national scene was identified as a Mormon serial abuser who was protected by his (our) own religious organization.

Others also began to come forward with their experiences as children, who were molested, raped, shamed and guilted for sexual experimentation, masturbation, and desire, sparking an entirely new #Metoo moment for the Mormon community exposing decades of ecclesiastical abuse.

As part of these stories of physical abuse, sexual abuse, shame and victimization, we are beginning to understand that victim shaming is playing a large part in protecting predators. It indicates that predators are protected by systemic failures, primarily by organizations which revere patriarchy or power. Fundamentalist Christian religions, Islam, and the GOP are included, where women are further victimized by the attempt to strip basic human rights, reproductive health, and reproductive control. It’s first a community, now a nationwide, perhaps a worldwide problem.

In recent months, an organization, started by Sam Young, “ProtectTheChildren.org” has been gathering stories of both Mormons and ex-Mormons who were subjected to “Worthiness Interviews” during which they were deeply shamed, made to feel enormous guilt for normal masturbatory behavior, and in some cases, exposed to predators who took advantage of the Mormon system to act, inflicting horrifying abuse, and then compounding the sexual abuse with spiritual abuse, shame and guilt. These stories also include details of religious leaders who were again protected by a system of patriarchy, where the children were further victimized and shamed for reporting their abusers. Between Sam's petition and another, more than 54,000 people have signed petitions to stop this harmful practice.

The effects on these children have been profound, ranging from self-hatred, to diminished capacity for intimacy, fear of healthy sexuality, suicidal ideation, and in some tragic cases, suicide. These stories are gut wrenching. More than 400 stories are now on Sam's site, and I've seen many hundreds more posted on Reddit, and dozens of internet forums.

That brings us to the most recent catastrophic PR blunder by the LDS church, in which Church Leaders engaged in subtle victim blaming to protect one of their own, Elder Joseph L. Bishop. What Elder Bishop did, was to use his position over young LDS women to engage in predatory behavior. Church Leaders were made aware of his predatory behavior years prior, and in what appears to be an attempt to “preserve the good name of the church,” they chose to utilize hush money and victim shaming to protect him. 

The initial article by the Deseret News can be considered a hit piece, seemingly intentionally written with subtle cues for a Mormon audience with an intentional thrust of victim blaming, utilizing code words to indicate that the victim was now an outsider and shouldn’t be trusted. Here is a brilliant rebuttal to the church's PR statement. The story continues to unfold with revelations that the “basement office” was validated by an MTC employee. It was also confirmed by church spokesman Eric Hawking stating that they knew of Elder Bishop’s “second office.” Now the church has also revealed that another MTC victim came forward 8 years ago. 

EIGHT YEARS! The LDS church leaders have known of this for EIGHT YEARS and instead of excommunicating this man, they chose instead to protect him. This is a signal of a massive systemic failure within Mormonism. Many members want to make this about a “bad person” who slipped through the cracks. It’s not. Until we see this as systemic failure of beliefs, practices, and policies, casualties will mount, and defections accelerate. 

We, as a society need to get beyond blame. We’ve got to eliminate the “shame” and start talking about where the system is broken. The church is not “perfect.” If it was, we wouldn’t be here as a society, needing this discussion.

How is the system broken? 

First and most fundamentally, Mormonism is a “Patriarchal Order” where men are valued and women are given lip service. Men have all the authority and women are ignored. An old adage my ex-wife once shared with me is “Men are the head of the home and women are the neck that turns the head.” Unfortunately, in a system where men are the supreme authority, this is only wishful thinking. Automatically, in any conflict between man and woman, a patriarchal system gives precedence to the man and the Rob Porters are given protection and comfort at the expense of their wives, who are basically told to “shut up and support their husbands. This is God’s will.” Until women are viewed and valued as equal, the system cannot be fixed.

Second, and also key to the problem is the Mormon belief that sexuality is the province of Church Leadership in that they have the right to determine worthiness based on sexual behavior. It justifies thinking that any sex outside of marriage gives permission for the church to enact disciplinary councils to humiliate, shame, and ultimately decide on membership privileges for sexual misconduct. In the end, as demonstrated by Joseph L. Bishop, such "worthiness interviews" have no value as a means of maintaining holiness in the temple. People who lie are often not caught and attend the temple unworthily anyway. NewNameNoah infiltrated and filmed the temple ceremony showing that a "Bishop's discernment" failed entirely.

Sexual behavior regardless of church assertions is private, and to demand accounting of our genital usage is nothing more or less than voyeurism. It is an egregious boundary violation. Even worse,

The only time the church should ever engage in disciplinary councils is when leaders violate the sanctity of their callings by engaging in sexual, physical, or spiritual abuse. Excommunicating any lay member for "sexual sins" is, in my opinion, a form of spiritual abuse, unless that sin is a violent crime against another. Until Mormonism as an institution sheds the belief that they have a right to control sexual behavior, the system will remain broken. 

Third, sexuality in any form including “thinking about it” is taught to members in adolescence as sexual sin, and based on a scripture in the Book of Mormon, Alma 39:5 is taught as the “sin next to murder in its seriousness.” Sexual shame is literally in the DNA of the Church. Many of us experienced the lessons which describe sexual experience in terms of “purity” drawing parallels to “licked cupcakes,” “chewed bubble gum” and “nails in boards” (you can remove the nail but the hole is still there.) Somehow, sexual thought and experience makes you worthless. Such belief prevents fixing the system.

It is a well known and understood psychological theory that most predators were originally victims. In restricting, condemning, and shaming all sexual behavior, Mormonism exists in an environment of severe sexual repression, even seeking to take away masturbation as a safety outlet for sexual relief. This results in some expressing sexual frustration in unhealthy ways, taking the form of rape, incest, and molestation. For others, it results in deep depression, shame, self-hatred, and self harm. In seeking abject control of members' sexuality, the church perpetuates the predator/victim/predator cycle. 

Fourth, we now understand through decades of psychological experiments, that human sexuality is a need. Denying needs results in obsession. Years ago, a volunteer experiment was conducted where participants agreed to forgo solid food for a period of time. This occurred in a prison. Nutrition was met through a bland liquid diet. Before long, the inmates were subscribing to cooking magazines, having meetings to discuss food and generally obsessing over it. Sex and intimacy is recognized today as being as important on "Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs" as food, water and shelter.

In condemning any form of sexual behavior, the church is attempting to control a need. By doing so, they create sexual perversion and "addiction to porn." Shaming such behavior actually feeds into the obsession cycle. As it is both a need and instinctual in nature, given the right circumstances humans eventually cave to instinctual bodily demands. Jonathan Haidt, in “The Happiness Hypothesis” describes this as “the elephant running away with the rider.” He uses an apt metaphor by describing our conscious mind as a rider and our unconscious mind as an elephant. As a need, when the elephant runs away with the rider, conscious thought is overridden by subconscious need and in that state, rights of others will become subordinate to fulfilling the need.

Fifth, the church has created an environment where members have been conditioned to see the church as a “perfect organization” where Christ is at the head and gives all needful instruction to the leaders, who pass this information as needed to the membership. This top down structure has been further enforced through holy covenant. “Thou shalt not…engage in evil speaking of the Lord’s anointed.” “Contention is of the devil.” “Leaders should not be criticized even if the criticism is true.” 

This has created a communications void in which two way communication has been cut off. Criticism provides a valuable feedback mechanism that lets leaders know when they are straying from the values of the membership. In denying this feedback mechanism, the church has gradually moved further and further away from meeting the needs of the members. In short, they have forgotten that the church is there to support the members and now take the view that the members are there to support the church…and by extension, submit to the General Authorities’ will.

Venerating leadership IS a system failure. Wilford Woodruff taught, “God will never permit the prophet to lead the church astray, before doing so, he will destroy the prophet.” Teachings by other leaders include “Obedience is the first law of heaven,” “Do as the prophet commands, even if he is wrong you will be blessed,” “Once the prophet has spoken the thinking is done.” And finally, "If it be by my voice or the voice of my servant, it is the same." Such declarations imply a doctrine of infallibility. It has created a system of unthinking trust and obedience. Leaders are seen as having a direct line to God and mere members believe they shouldn’t challenge leadership pronouncements. In fact, those who do are deemed to be in “apostasy” and are often excommunicated. This failure is one of silencing honest dissent. 

Collectively, we have abrogated our own morality and thinking in favor of a leader’s “divine proclamation.”

In Conclusion:

Mormonism’s current woes are a result of systems failures, dangerous policies, ill advised PR moves, victim shaming, pro-leadership/pro-adult male protection, female/child subjugation, along with sexual and spiritual abuse, all of which are resulting in defections from the church, and increased hostility from those outside the church.

It is my position that the church’s whitewashed history, doctrinal contradictions, Book of Abraham issues, Book of Mormon historicity and other issues generally come into play after people reach a point where sexual abuse caused by Mormon sexual teachings and its spiritual counterpart of shaming and guilt have reduced a member to a state of spiritual desperation. No matter how hard we try, those of us violated by the spiritual abuse of shame, can never be “good enough.”